SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
