i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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