I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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