i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
