wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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