youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
