you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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