everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
