I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We have started to decorate penises.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
