So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's like God shit irony all over that family
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
