I wish I could punch you in the face.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
