I just saw a hot homeless man
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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