it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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