dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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