I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is my gift to your gina
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
