Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
