The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
