So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize