i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
