literally had 100 drinks last night.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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