I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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