Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
