weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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