My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
operation have a gay friend backfired
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
