Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
