So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
