I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize