I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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