maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
