why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
