if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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