PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize