fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
