Its about making memories worth repressing
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
