I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
