New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
