oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize