All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
