I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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