Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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