New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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