But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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