I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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