I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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