I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
