just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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