like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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