we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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