I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
