Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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