then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
