remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
