Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't deserve a penis
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
