You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
