i jhust puked up my retainher.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
