Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
