i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
