u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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