i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
