Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
