i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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