if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
