Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My vagina is very pro this idea
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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