dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
