he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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