So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
