No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
