Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize